I don't think she's reading this, so here goes. If she is, then we get a head start on that conversation.
Sexually, the thing I don't want is pain. That's pretty easy. I mean, we have played with spanking and biting and enjoyed both, but in a playful way, not really painful. I could imagine if she really wanted to do something painful to me, I could enjoy enduring it to please her. I am hoping that never happens, though, and I'm not going to hesitate to say so. (What I do want is tease and denial.)
Emotionally, the thing I don't want is humiliation. I don't want her to degrade me or mock me. I love her and while I don't base my self esteem on her, I respect her opinion and she knows me better than anyone else does, so if she said I was a worm, it would injure me and not be fun in any way. Now, embarassment is ok. Teasing is ok. I could see being in some store somewhere having her haughtily order me to do this or that and getting a thrill from that embarassment. There is nothing really demeaning there. I love her, and I'm happy to do thing for her. (What I do want is to feel valued.)
Intellectually, I don't know. I guess the closest I can think of is sort of practicality. I mean, I don't want her to actually schedule my day for me and micromanage me. I can take specific task requests and fit them in, but she doesn't need to tell me which day to do laundry or mop or shop unless she has some specific need that I wouldn't know about. This is basically how things already are. Besides, with a baby home full time, there's only one person who get's to say exactly when any particular thing will happen and that person is only two feet tall. (What I do want is feedback and guidance.)
I asked that we try to fit in a conversation tonight, so hopefully that can happen. I hope what I'm thinking lines up more or less with what she has in mind and I am looking forward to hearing what she has to say.