We put the baby to sleep in her crib, which is very rare. I commented that I hoped we'd get to snuggle some before sleep since we've had so little chance lately. She was happy to and even suggested that we could fall asleep snuggled together. I can't even remember the last time we got to do that. So we ended up spooning with me in the back and I mentioned that it reminded me of when we first started dating. It was a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately, she replied by saying, "You've been melancholy and moony lately. Have I been neglecting you?"
I tried to explain that I wasn't feeling melancholy and was in fact very happy. She said she felt like I was just laying there waiting for something and watching her. She just wanted to go to sleep. I got defensive. I said, truthfully, I wasn't waiting and that I was just trying to get to sleep.
Then she said that she realized she is kind of freaked out by me wanting her to be dominant. I never said I want her to be dominant, but I know what she means. She wants a partner who is an equal. I assured her that I think I am her equal. Then she said she was tired and didn't want to talk about it right then and we went to sleep. Oh and she said several times, grumpily, that she is PMSing.
Tonight is our usual date night and I imagine we'll have a conversation about things. I still feel like she has been in the lead all along and belongs there. I love doing things for her and just seeing her happy is a great reward for me. I hope she can come to understand that more and accept and ask for more. But, most of all, I just want her to feel comfortable and happy in our relationship. I hope I can say that all plainly. I love her so much.