Starting

I'm just starting this as a place to hold some thoughts about Female Led Relationships. I think that I want to evolve my marriage into one that is strongly and explicity wife led.

I've talked to my wife about it a little. Mostly I have said that I want to make her happy and that I think she is wonderful and deserves everything she wants. I do all the housework and try to offer her massages and generally try to serve her in any way I can think of.

Today I managed to get up some courage and worked into conversation that I consider her the leader of our 'team'. She seemed really gratified to hear it. I hope I can reinforce the idea more over the coming weeks and months and years.

There are a lot of reasons that this feels like the right thing for me.

I have always sort of viewed my life through a lens of my girlfriend or wife. So it is natural that when she is happy, I am happy.

I noticed recently, though it is no big revelation, that when I go without sexual release for a little while, I became quite eager to please my wife. It rapidly goes beyond what I would do just in hopes of getting off. I quickly get to a point where I just want to feel her happiness and whether I am left hard and frustrated doesn't matter. In fact, it often seems better if I don't orgasm.

When I first realized this, I kept myself on edge for about a week. The house was never cleaner, my wife had footrubs and massages, things were great. I was giddy when she got home from work. Just sitting next to her on the couch was thrilling. All this even though I knew I was probably not getting any sex until the weekend because that's just how our life has worked out since we had a baby. It was a wonderful week.

Then the weekend came and I gave her a full body massage and she wanted sex afterward. I wanted it to, believe me. And it was fantastic. I had an enormous orgasm and felt like I'd never ejaculated more. Then I got hard again soon after and we ended up going three times. Well, Monday came and I was lazy and kind of doubted myself. Same thing on Tuesday. Wednesday I got a little horny and didn't manage to resist masturbating so I just stayed off track.

That was a couple months ago and I'm just now getting back to where I can feel it again. I have been more submissive in the intervening times and have been masturbating much less in general. Well, I shouldn't say masturbating less, just orgasming less.

During my first week playing with this idea, I was touching myself a lot. I also looked at lots of porn to try to escalate my feeling of arousal and desperation. I'm still experimenting with that to see how it affects things.

Anyway, you're welcome to read this or email me or chat, but mainly I just need to get these thoughts down somewhere.