And just like that...

Last night was sorta date night.  We had a lot of fun with our baby and had a nice dinner together. Then we hung out together while MissusB read and I played Borderlands. It was low key, but very nice. Then we went to bed.

We talked a little about stuff at her office. She's been under quite a bit of pressure there and thinks that has been taking some energy away from us. Then, she just climbed on top of me and we held each other there for a while. I wrapped my arms around her and hang on. I was in the best place in the whole world. Then we made love there. I am a very lucky man.

We talked this morning just a bit about FLR. She says she can tell I'm feeling better about things. She doesn't feel like she has creative energy to come up with "scenes". I don't need or even really hope for "scenes", but helping wives understand that seems to be a common struggle. I am certain that just literally a moment here and there could be enough to keep me dizzy. I couldn't figure out just how to say that during our conversation, or just how much or what kind of example I could offer. I will look for another chance to try to say it. I remember reading a list on someone's blog of the kind of little things a wife can do that seem big to a man but tiny to a woman. I will look for that, too.

Relaxed

I knew it had been a while since I posted here, but I didn't realize how long. Let's see if I can catch up without going too long.

Things were going along as they had been until about Christmas. We traveled to be near my family. After a couple weeks of denial, we had sex every night we were there. It was wonderful and I started to think that I might like to have sex more often. I talked to MissusB about it, and I started getting to actually make love to her and have orgasms about twice a week. Not long after that, I think her sex drive diminished, and I started to feel neglected. There just wasn't anything. After a couple weeks of that, I said I felt like FLR might have just worn off and maybe we should go back to equal partners. She said she didn't want that, but we didn't get to talk about it just then. She just took the opportunity to say she didn't want to have me changing my mind back and forth. We also didn't talk about it anytime soon after that. I maintained my voluntary chastity during that time while I waited for the right time to talk about it again.

I wish I had a better memory. Sometime after that, I started to feel it again. She still wasn't doing much leading outside the bedroom. The one time we did have sex during that period, she was ordering me around but not in a "scene" way. I'm not sure, but it came up again at some point and I apologized and said I was over my doubts.

Soon after that, her sex drive seemed to dip even further. Now, even though we are snuggling a bit more than before, which I love, and kind of sexual contact is basically missing. I still do all my chores, give her foot rubs, follow her directions and stay chaste. It is just that most of my teasing is done on my own with my caption blog or reading other people's writing.

Pretty recently, I would have considered this not to be an ok situation. I would have tried to get more. I think I have come to the point now, though, where it is ok. I will take care of MissusB and try to do all the things I can to make her feel good. Eventually,  I hope, she'll turn to me again in that way and that'll be great. Until then, I can be happy keeping her happy even with minimal sexuality between us.

Morning Surprise.

MissusB and I had an argument in the middle of the night last night because we were both exhausted and the baby wouldn't sleep.  I apologized this morning when we woke up. I also admitted that I have been so horny that I barely resisted forcing myself on her in the night. Then I *ahem* casually revealed that I'd gotten stiff watching her get dressed. She came over and sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my cock a little, not really in the way she would when she's giving me a handjob, just sort of rubbed it and played with it a little like she does once in a while. I assumed it would be a wonderful tease to start the day.  Then she licked her hand and started really working it. I was close to orgasm very quickly and said so. She stopped and adjusted us closer to the middle of the bed and I said asked astonished, "Are you going to let me come?" She said, "I don't know. Do you think so?" I said I didn't know because she has definitely left me there before and I had no idea that she might give me a treat like that after a rough night, but she just jumped right back into the rhythm and I made a sort of purring sound that I don't think I've even made before and came all over my belly.

Then she gave me a kiss and headed off to work. I'm still floating. I'm a very lucky man.

Level Up.

I am feeling very lustful these days. I am getting erections at the drop of a hat. I wake up over and over throughout the night because my stiff dick is so sensitive to any contact of the sheets rubbing against it as I roll over or shift. This is exactly what I wanted and it is also a great struggle. In my fantasies, I am always forced to go for a long time between orgasms, but in real life we had more or less settled into one a week. Now we're edging(heh) past three weeks and it really makes a difference. That and,  as I've mentioned recently, MissusB has really stepped into her role and is making every day more wife led.

It does help me stay more attentive to MissusB. She has made it clear, though, that she doesn't want me to be very clingy, and that is getting more and more difficult. I have been successful so far, I think, but I feel like I'm constantly biting my tongue. Or I feel like I am spending a ton of energy in keeping my hands off her. She has really firmed up her habit of quickly chastising me if I stroke her without permission or when she wants me to stop for whatever reason. This change in the quantity of our physical contact is a harder adjustment for me than the orgasm control.

 I have had several moments lately where it feels like she has forgotten about or else intentionally disregarded my interest in some minor thing. She was afraid when we started that she may take me for granted, but I have all along more or less felt like she should just expect me to be there for her since I have made that commitment. For example, yesterday we had a few hours on a weekend afternoon while the baby napped. Of course, after our very intimate night on Friday I was feeling very close to her and wanted to do something together. She settled into a video game pretty quickly. At first, out of habit, I did this or that to try to gently dislodge her or kind of speed her along. After a bit, I realized what I was doing and that what I really want is for MissusB to do exactly what she wants. At that moment, I was able to settle down and sit with her and watch.  It felt good. I didn't mention anything to her, but I just felt good to be able to put my own stuff aside and sit and do what she wanted to do. I feel like I'm growing into my new role, too.

Then this morning, I woke up before MissusB and the baby did. I started writing this, but then thought it would be nice to clean up the house while I had some time alone. I did a quick pass at everything and was done and back to writing before they got up. Then, more or less out of the blue, without a mention of the housecleaning or anything else, MissusB took an opportunity to grab my package through my pajamas and squeeze and stroke me for a few seconds. Those few seconds and my wife and her general awesomeness will be on my mind for days.

Everything is really coming together. I'm even enjoying the hard parts. I'm a very lucky man.

New Heights and New Lows

I'm marking some new peaks and valleys in things with MissusB. If my memory and my skimming of this blog is correct, this is now the longest I've been made to go with out an orgasm. Really, that seems like just one small example of how we are getting more and more adjusted to FLR being a real part of our lives. I'd say that MissusB issues me an unwavering command at least a couple times every day now. Likewise, I'm moving more into a daily routine of service instead of serving primarily out of sexual longing.

Also, last night was date night. After the baby was asleep, MissusB told me to go put my clothes away and to turn up the heat and then added "You may as well get the vibrator out now." When I came back, her clothes were piled on the couch and she was wearing a bathrobe. She had me put the clothes away and bring a bowl of soapy water and a washcloth. She sat on the edge of the couch and had me wash her pussy. "All the nooks and crannies." While she watched the "Bend Over Boyfriend" video on the tv behind me. When she was all clean, I started to stroke her thighs, but she stopped me right away and said, "You're not here to stroke me." Then she turned over onto her knees and told me to wash her ass.

It is hard to describe how exciting that was for me. Of course I immediately hoped that she was going to let me lick her, but the washing was also very thrilling on its own. I've never done that before. I was very careful to be as gentle and thorough as I could and I let her know when she was all clean. After a pause where I was left with nothing to do but gaze longingly at her ass and wonder what she had in mind next, she said that I could touch her. My hands leapt to it and I was thrilled again. I didn't pet her long before she said I could kiss her. Now, she's let me do this before once or twice, but not for a long time and I've been longing for it almost daily since we started FLR.  I can honestly say, that I'd have given up all orgasms for life if she'd made that the condition of being allowed to keep my tongue up against her backside. After a while, she pulled away and turned over saying that I'd got her excited.

She asked me to finger her pussy while she vibrated herself. I ended up getting to lube her up with my mouth, which was of course another great thrill. Not long after we started this part, she stopped with the vibrator to give me some instruction on just what she wanted me to do. She corrected the position of my fingers with breathless, but unrestrained feedback. Then once she had me where she wanted me, she got the vibe back out.  This all felt fantastic for me and she looked very sexy while she worked herself up. I did have to take my hand out eventually because it was cramping, but I got to stay down between her legs to watch her have a great orgasm.  I massaged her tense legs for a bit after that.

Then she had me stand in front of her while she proceeded to almost touch me at various places below my waist. For reasons that I'll never fully understand, but which may be whiskey related, I didn't get quite hard. I had been hard for most of the earlier part of the evening, but flagged a bit when my hand was sore and didn't quite recover. After barely touching me a couple times, she said, "Ok, that's it." Then she had me sit down with her while we watched a tv show.  I went to bed more satisfied and more frustrated than I can say.

I'm a very lucky man.

Mostly sex.

More little things. Most of which I can't remember, to be honest. They are just a word here and a glance there that give me a little lift but don't seem like events. They seem like a normal part of the day.

Here's an example. The other day she asked me to make a little change in something around the house. I gladly agreed both because I love doing things for her and honestly it was trivial. She followed up with "I know it probably won't help anything, but do it anyway to make me happy. That's your job." That was that.

Then there are not so little things. Last night we went to bed and it took a little while to get the baby to sleep. I am not sure how exactly it was communicated, but I got the clear sense that we'd be doing a big of snuggling before bed and I was excited. Anyone in an FLR will understand that I really didn't have any expectations beyond getting to hold MissusB and maybe stroke her skin and kiss her a little. I'm sure anyone not in one will think I'm full of it, but it was true.

So I slid over to put my arms around her once the baby was down and before I got there she told me to turn around so she could spoon me to keep warm while she fell asleep. We have been falling asleep that way most nights lately and normally I'm thrilled, but last night I had hoped to touch her a bit more. I made some comment, innocuous I think, and she reiterated her instructions. I cheerfully complied and said, "I'll take whatever you've got." to which MissusB said, "That's right, you will."

We talked a little bit about how long it has been since I've had a release. She asked me how long since we've had sex and then she asked me how long since I've had an orgasm. Both answers are the same: about two and a half weeks. She then reached down toward my lap and put her hand sort of around my cock, but not touching. She held it there and then just barely brushed against me first at one spot then another.

It didn't take much of that before I was gasping and moaning with every little touch. She kept that up for a while before she licked one of her fingers and started to do some kind of light flicking that had me very near orgasm in no time. I told her and she slowed down a little.  She kept changing her technique slightly and then getting me almost there and changing again. At one point she went so far as to close her hand around my cock for just a second and I was so grateful. I thanked her again and again.

Also, while this was going on, she started grinding her hips against me from behind and from that point each of us was occasionally moved to short bursts of grinding like she was fucking me from behind. After I didn't know how long, she said, "You know you're not going to get to come tonight, don't you?" I hadn't known but it was thrilling to be told.  Not long after that, she let me stroke and lightly finger her very wet pussy before she got out her vibrator.

At first I lay beside her and kissed and stroked her like I often do while she buzzes herself. Then she had me kneel near her head. Before long, she was kissing the head of my dripping cock. Then she took the head into her mouth and just barely sucked on it. It was extremely exciting and she finished pretty soon after. Afterward, she said that she had been teasing me for 45 minutes. I wouldn't have been able to begin to guess. She also made some comment as we were falling asleep about how funny she finds it to think of me going to sleep after being so excited. I forget what I said, but it was something about her laughing at these things a lot. She replied, "I have to have a sense of humor about these things, otherwise I'd be a complete bitch." I did not find the courage to say that I'd be ok if she wanted to be a complete bitch when it suited her because I'm very happy with the way things are.

I'm a very lucky man.

Just Little Things.

MissusB has started doing little FLR things more often. Nothing major, just telling me to go get her something or putting her feet in my lap expectantly. Last weekend she decided that I'm not allowed to look at any porn for a week. Yesterday she asked me to try to stay off the internet all day. I almost but did not quite manage to do that, for more or less practical reasons, I got on for a few minutes yesterday afternoon. I told her that when she came home from work, and she said, "You didn't do what I asked. I'll have to think of what your punishment will be." On Monday when we went to bed I snuggled up to her and was allowed to caress her for a few minutes, probably about five minutes, but it was an amazing treat for me. I enjoyed every second and I also became very turned on. She stopped me abruptly and had me roll with my back to her, so she could fall asleep spooning me, which has become our normal bedtime posture. It was hard to stop on her command, but I did and she praised me and said I may get to pet her in bed more often if I can prove to her that I can stop when she says so. I have been struggling to not beg or plead a little and make her tell me several times to stop, but I'm feeling more hopeful that I'll be able to do better now.

Those weren't all the things, but they are a good sampling. She is definitely getting a real understanding of how much impact she can have by doing even the tiniest things. It is feeling great for me and MissusB seems to be really enjoying herself too. I'm a very lucky man.

Another Great Weekend.

MissusB and I had a great weekend. We're in the process of moving to another town and we got some solid progress done on that. We didn't have our regular Friday date night. I don't think there was a reason. It just didn't happen.

Saturday morning as we were spooning in bed, MissusB started to move just a little bit in a way that is easy to recognize and we had some hot, quick, sex. It was hot for obvious reasons, but it was quick partly because I am kind of short triggered these days and partly because the baby woke up. I took the baby out to the other room while MissusB finished herself off with her buzzer.

Sunday night I was allowed to give her a nice long foot and calf massage and eventually invited to just keep massaging up from there. While I did that, MissusB caught up with my caption blog, which she reads intermittently. When she was done with that put on some porn for herself to watch over my shoulder while I got to basically make out with her clit. I don't know how long I got to do that, I was transported.  When my back gave out from bending over her, we switched to the vibrator and she came a couple times. I got to keep striving.

I'm a very lucky man.

Date Night

Friday was everything I'd hoped it would be.

We talked a watched a little TV after the baby went to sleep and then MissusB sent me to fetch condoms and sex toys from the bedroom while she stretched out on the couch.

When I got back, she had me stand near her head and proceeded to tease me deliciously with her mouth. Before long she wanted fucked. She put me on my back on the couch and climbed on top. After just a few amazing thrusts, she told me to be still and started to get herself off with her vibrator. At first I couldn't feel the vibrations much, but as she sat there stuck on my hard cock while I had to use all my failing concentration to stop myself from thrusting, the buzzing started to build.

As amazing as that feeling was, I really felt transported by the feeling of the skin on her thighs and ass against both my hands and my own thighs. I've never felt skin as wonderful to stroke and pet as hers.

Afterward, we had a very sweet and romantic conversation about how wonderful we feel right after great sex together. The feeling is fleeting and the best memories are very pale beside the real thing, but you do remember well that something wonderful happened.

I'm a very lucky man.

Absent

Not long after my last post, I more or less figured that this second attempt at FLR was over. Basically, there wasn't anything happening. I still was doing the housework, but I'm an at home dad, so that's natural. I wasn't up to my best but it was getting done.

We had some her MissusB's family in town for more than a week. Things just were not particularly anything in particular. I mentioned at one point that I had basically given up on FLR, but it was in a context where we couldn't get into it. MissusB just said, "No, you don't get to decide whether we are doing FLR or not." Then we had to continue whatever we were talking about and never got back to it. Honestly, it wasn't even on my mind.

In my mind, it was basically back to equal partners. I did hold back on masturbating assuming we'd talk things over at some point.

Then Tuesday night, as we were going to sleep, I said something about wanting to have sex just as I would have before FLR. Not pressuring, just an invitation. MissusB responded immediately, "You aren't getting any sex until this house is spotless." Just like that I was back to being hers again. We went to sleep after a chaste kiss.

Wednesday I cleaned as much and as thoroughly as I could manage in the time I wasn't taking care of the baby, but the house was definitely not spotless when MissusB got home. It was close, but there were a few things that clearly needed work. I got no dusting, sweeping, or mopping done in the bedroom, for instance, because the baby was asleep in there when I had time to clean.

I was very attentive all evening and was debating whether I should own up to my feelings that I still had work to do or whether I should take her generosity if she offered it. It didn't end up being as issue, because MissusB said it needed work but that she was sure I could get it done Thursday. Later, as we lay in bed before sleep she decided to use her Magic Wand and I got very excited. I don't think I have ever felt as desperate to slide into someone as I was at that moment. I begged and pleaded and must had no pride at all. Eventually, MissusB was busting up laughing at me, but it didn't slow me down. When she finally ordered me to settle down it was incredibly difficult to control myself.

Yesterday was Thursday. I apologized in morning, but she assured me that she had enjoyed herself and found it very sexy. I had no idea I was able to stay that excited while my wife openly laughed at me, let alone that I was married to a woman who would do it.

Again, I cleaned with nearly all the time and energy I had. While the house wouldn't have passed a strict military inspection, it was as clean as any house we've ever lived in together if not cleaner. We went out to dinner with some friends, so MissusB didn't see it until very late. She didn't offer any complaints, but made it clear we weren't going to be making love anyway.

This morning at breakfast, she mentioned a few little things she wanted to see improved today and suggested that I had good chances tonight. Friday is generally a "date night" for us anyway. These days, between the baby and not being in our twenties anymore, that often just amounts to having more than one glass of wine and maybe staying up an hour later. It means more, though, because it means that some time every week is dedicated to us as a couple. So, needless to say, I'm looking forward to a lovely night with MissusB.

reconnected

We had some friends over tonight. Most of today was spent cleaning and preparing for their arrival. MissusB did a lot of work, which made me a bit uncomfortable at first, but she seemed to want to, so I didn't say anything. It was just a nice day together.

We laid down for a nap that got sidetracked by MissusB vibrating herself to an orgasm. Then she asked me if I was excited and told me good night. However, she then reached over with the vibrator and started rubbing it over my stiff cock. She did that for a few minutes and I asked if I could come. It had been two weeks, which is longer than I've gone since we've been married, even counting when the baby was born. She said I could and it was fantastic.

Then we napped just a little and went back to preparing for our guests. It feels like the recent friction is just about totally behind us.

One of my in laws is coming for a visit soon, so I expect that will have a big impact on things around here both between MissusB and me and between the Internet and me. I'm not guessing it will be for the worse in either case, but I do anticipate and impact.

Lately

MissusB and I have been a bit distant for a while.

We've been basically just hanging around each other. We had an argument about two weeks ago and have each been dealing with the aftermath in our own way. Wednesday we had the aftershock argument. I think we have got things pretty well reknit.

FLR came up a bit in the original argument but I think it was more a distraction than actually relevant. Then in the meantime, neither of us has been really relating to each other in any meaningful way including leading or following.

During the follow up, I said that it didn't seem like FLR was making anything better for either of us and that we might as well give it up. I should back up, actually. Leading into the conversation, MissusB started telling me that I need to do this and that. It felt strange and not great. She had just been out of that role for long enough that it didn't make sense right away. Then we talked about things.

So, when I said that I didn't think FLR was getting us anything, she said I was no longer doing it right and that it had been good for her when I had been. When I talked about giving it up, she said "It isn't up to you whether we do FLR or not." and it wasn't a pose at all. As little as she has been leading, she still feels it is her decision. And she's right of course. Even before we were officially female led, she made the decisions and even if we ever go back to officially equal partners, she will be making the decisions.

So, we removed the splinter from our paw and are well on our way to mending. She's even mentioned the possibility of romance sometime soon.

Nothing Much

MissusB has been having some health issues that have taken basically all her energy. I've been taking care of the house she's been cooking a little. We've generally just been taking it easy. Nothing sexy happening. We've hardly left the house, really. She did apologize last night that we haven't had sex in a while. It was a very non-FLR moment and I just hope I handled it sensitively. While it is sexy for my wife to deny me sex or release and it can make her feel sexier and more powerful, it doesn't work that way when she feels like it isn't her choice either. Both of us are being rather unsexilly denied by her health issues. I assured her that I was fine and that I missed the cuddling more than anything else, but more than anything I just want her to get to feel ok.

So, there we stand until who knows when. I can only hope for her sake that she starts to feel better soon and can get back to a full enjoyment of life and love and everything she likes.

Unexpected

After the baby went to bed last night, I offered MissusB a footrub. She accepted and said that I should be naked for it. When I came back naked from gathering the foot rub things, she had me set them down and then turn around so she could look. She told me to 'stand proud' and corrected my posture in a couple ways. It was very different for us and exciting for me.

We watched her tv show while I rubbed her feet. Afterward, she said she needed an orgasm and sent me to get her vibrator from the bedroom. Then she set me to finding some web porn for her to look at while she masturbated. I started by looking at the few tumblr pictures blogs I look at and during that she was reminded of my picture and captions blog, which she hadn't looked at since just after I started it. I stood by and watched as she read through the whole thing. It was kind of scary to have so many of my fantasies exposed like that one after another. At the end, though, she praised me. She said she enjoyed it and thinks I struck just the right tone. I could see her sense of power grow a bit as she processed what she'd just seen.

We moved from that to just looking around a bit at random sites. She requested some ruined orgasm porn and enthusiastically narrated some picture sets while she fondled me and edged me for a little while. Pretty soon, she brought me to the edge and let go as I came on myself. It was my first ruined orgasm and she loved it. She asked me how it was. I told her that I'd liked getting there, but I didn't feel the big strong orgasm feeling and was still very turned on.

She was thrilled to hear it. MissusB now thinks ruined orgasms could be the perfect solution for us. She thinks more frequent orgasms are better for conception, and this is a way for us to do that without me getting more gratification than she wants me to have. I did mention to her that this was not one the parts of FLR that I was into or that I'd really considered before we started this. She briefly began to chastise me for trying to only be wife led when she leads me where I want to go. I have to admit that her tone and forcefulness was incredibly sexy. I assured her, though, that I wasn't trying to tell her or even suggest what she should do. I was honestly just letting her know.

In fact there are of course any number of things that I don't find exciting myself or even that I think would be unpleasant, but that I'd be thrilled to do if MissusB even felt a whim to try them. I have to admit that I'm feeling as focused on MissusB today as I do when I've been denied for quite a while.

Surprise

We went to bed Friday night as usual. Our house guests were a few rooms away. It was a chaste goodnight kiss. Then at about 3 or 5 or something, I was just laying next to MissusB fantasizing about something or other and let my feet lay get tangled in hers.  I assumed she was asleep, but she made a sort of motion that seemed like she was trying to get loose from me. I flinched off, since I was already alert and was afraid I may have been too clingy. She called me back, though, and said she needed to get fucked. Now, I was pretty sure at this point that we didn't have any condoms, so I didn't know what to do. MissusB told me to check the sex toys box, and I found one!

We made love some and fucked and it was amazing. I was not holding off very well and stopped to try to calm myself, but she didn't want that. With her permission, I let loose completely and we had a very hot finish. I felt so relaxed and content, but still devoted. Even today, though I've been lightly teased several times since then, I feel much looser, but no less hers.

I'm a very lucky man.

Indulgence

Yesterday I was having some doubts about some plans we have for moving house. MissusB was annoyed but took the time to go through the finances with me so I wouldn't worry. I trust her judgement, but I had some doubts mostly because I handle all the bills and she rarely looks at our financial information. Even so, she was right and I was just being paranoid, probably because of some past relationships with financially deranged women. It was just a sweet thing for her to do for me.

At bedtime, MissusB said she would love to have sex, but still isn't feeling up to it after her recent medical issue. I also reminded her that we have no condoms. She acted surprised, even though we'd talked about it pretty recently.  So, she decided we'd just go to bed. Once in bed, though, she was having a hard time getting to sleep and decided to use the Magic Wand vibe to get off and relax herself. While she used her right hand to guide the vibe, she grabbed my shaft with her left. Soon she was moaning and I was whimpering and thrusting. As I thrust, she just moved her had so I met no resistance no matter how I moved.

When she finished, she said she likes the little noises I make. I wasn't really aware of making noises, but ok. She also thanked me for helping her get off. Then it was time for sleep, though it took me a while to calm down enough to get any sleep.

It's now been nine days since I had an orgasm. I had to look at the blog since I stopped counting. Also, it has been a full month since I've had my penis inside her. I'm sure that we've never gone that long without fucking since the day we got together.

Checking In.

FLR stuff has been quiet and in the background lately. MissusB has been having some discomfort from a recent medical procedure. Most of her that hasn't been going to healing has been reserved for work. Also, we're considering moving house. It hasn't been totally absent, though.

A few days ago, MissusB told me that she's decided to wait an additional month before we start trying to get pregnant again. We still have no birth control in the house,  so I have no chance of actually getting into her pussy for six weeks. She did hint that I may get to come sometime before then. She said, "This way you don't know when you get to come next, and that's fun for me." Fun for us both, really.

Then the other morning, when the baby woke up early, I took the baby into another room so that MissusB could sleep in. She didn't though, she came out a little bit later and said "Did you hear me in there buzzing myself? If you had been in there, we'd totally be pregnant right now. I was crazy for it." That was a great way to start my day.

Then last night as we lay in bed before sleep, MissusB started what amounted to a mini-review. She asked about my 'job satisfaction', and how I thought I was doing in terms of efficiency. She reassured me about some things. Encouraged me to work harder in some areas. It was a great conversation. It is strange to me that I'm sure most men not in FLR would bristle at the idea of their wives frankly questioning them and offering judgement. It was a wonderful conversation.

I'm a very lucky man.

Weekend

We had a nice weekend after a bit of a rough start.

During dinner Friday, MissusB said that she wanted me to rub her all over with oil. Needless to say, I was enthusiastic about this idea. So, I went and got a sheet to keep the couch clean and found some oil. I put the sheet on the couch and she climbed in and wrapped herself up. Apparently she was feeling bashful. Ok, so I just sat at her feet as we watched some TV. I rubbed them and after a while massaged her feet and calves with oil occasionally caressing the outside of her thighs. We ended up going to bed after that with no all over oiling.  MissusB said she was grouchy with me, but couldn't say why.

Saturday morning, she said she'd figured out why she was feeling grouchy toward me. She didn't get her oil rub. My reaction was totally inappropriate. I got angry, totally withdrew, and didn't say anything at all in response. I continued the 'cold' treatment for a couple hours, in fact. Finally, MissusB straightened me out as we were riding on a train to go do something that was going to be completely ruined by my attitude. We were sitting across from each other grouchy and silent in a crowded car. She looked at me, lowered her eyebrows into a scowl, and stamped her foot. It was both an adorably sweet joke and a serious statement all at once. It reminded me why and how much I love her and made me feel foolish for having behaved like a child.

Later, when we got home, we talked about what had happened Friday. I told her that I need more guidance and had a hard time with her mixed signals. She said that she had some sexy plans for after the rubdown. Apparently this would have been the first thing she was going to do entirely for herself. I don't know if that contributed to the bashfulness. I apologized, but now that I've gone through this here, I feel like she deserves a better one that I gave. I need to work on being less defensive and 'sticking up for myself' less. I don't need to protect myself from her.

Yesterday was just a nice day together.

Accident

Well, last night was amazing and also disappointing.

After the baby went to bed MissusB told me to take of my clothes and join her on the couch. She said, "This won't take long," and proceeded to use her hands to edge me for what felt like quite a long time. During the course of it she also revealed some plans and ideas she's had.

She said that for the past year or so she's been enjoying some fantasies as a sort of guilty pleasure. First she mentioned 'penis torture'. Fortunately, she went on to explain that she was referring to a sort of extreme, prolonged edging, not something with pins. Then she mentioned ruined orgasms. I am pretty sure I'll be finding out more about those soon, but not too soon as I'll get back to in a moment. She explained how exciting the feeling of power is when a man it extremely turned on and can't do anything about it. All the while, she was keeping me just one stroke shy of relief.

Then she switched topics and said that she was thinking of making me wait to have an orgasm until we are ready to start trying to get pregnant again. She's already got me in a bit of a corner because of that. We are planning to start trying as soon as possible, but she is supposed to be off the birth control pill for a month so the baby would be safe from any its effects. During that month, couples are advised to use condoms or another form of birth control.  The other form of birth control MissusB has chosen is to not let me fuck her. She has still been letting me have orgasms, though. Last night she said she is thinking about not letting me have any more for basically three weeks.

Of course, I found it incredibly sexy to hear to saying these things. Part of me didn't want to say something, but I was so wound up and I want to be honest, so I told her that I want it. She didn't say right then that she was going to do it. She just teased me some more and then we went off to bed. In bed, she proceeded to use her vibrator on herself. She had me touch her first one way, then another, then another while she was buzzing herself. After a while, she told me to kneel beside her and stroke myself so she could watch. I managed to hold myself back for quite a while.  Then, as she was starting to come, I felt I was too close and stopped touching myself. While I tried to breath through, she was moaning in the way she does and I couldn't stop my orgasm, even though my penis wasn't touching anything.

She was a little disappointed and said I need to do something special for her today to make up for it. I felt guilty and sort of pathetic for not being able to do what she wanted. I promised her I'd try harder. That was when she told me I'd have plenty of time to work on it since I wouldn't be coming again until next month.

I'm a very lucky man.

Is this just sex?

After my last post, subservient-husband asked if getting turned on is where I get my motivation, noting that he gets his from seeing his wife happy.
I'm really glad he asked. So, thanks, s-h. I did have to stop and think about it in order to feel like I could give and honest and complete answer.


I do definitely use sexual tension to help motivate myself. Also, going a week or more between release definitely brings sex into focus and increases the sexual energy I have available to motivate me. The sex also gets a lot of space on this blog because most of other stuff is so much like it has always been since MissusB and I have been together and because it is fun to write about. It is only part of the picture, though.


I think MissusB and I both use sex to help build and express intimacy, so when all sexual contact is missing, we don't feel as close. It is a chicken and egg question, I think. I don't know if not feeling close turned my sex drive off and let my focus wander or if a lack of sex drive (caused by who know what) left me feeling more distant.


It is something I'll be watching.


I have always been motivated to find ways to make MissusB smile or to surprise her with some kind of treat. That's not sexually motivated, unless you talk to a Freudian or an evolutionary psychologist. That sort of thing doesn't turn me on; I can say that for sure. Since she's on my mind throughout the day, and since I listen to what she says, I find myself thinking of things that will make her happy. Then, if I can, I try to do them. I think she does the same thing.


I have a much harder time staying motivated to do the mopping and the filing and the dishes. I don't expect her to smile or thank me for having a clean house, though she does sometimes. For those sorts of things, I am intentionally using romantic and erotic feelings for MissusB to help me stay motivated.


I'm not sure if I mentioned this here before, but after our first attempt at FLR ended, the house got a lot dirtier. MissusB said she felt like I was punishing her for not going on with FLR. I explained to her that on one day I felt thrilled and connected to her when I cleaned the bathroom, and then the next day, out of FLR, it was just a dirty toilet again.


So, as much as I love pleasing my wife, which is a lot, I definitely think the sexual teasing and denial is a big part of what makes this work for me.