And just like that...

Last night was sorta date night.  We had a lot of fun with our baby and had a nice dinner together. Then we hung out together while MissusB read and I played Borderlands. It was low key, but very nice. Then we went to bed.

We talked a little about stuff at her office. She's been under quite a bit of pressure there and thinks that has been taking some energy away from us. Then, she just climbed on top of me and we held each other there for a while. I wrapped my arms around her and hang on. I was in the best place in the whole world. Then we made love there. I am a very lucky man.

We talked this morning just a bit about FLR. She says she can tell I'm feeling better about things. She doesn't feel like she has creative energy to come up with "scenes". I don't need or even really hope for "scenes", but helping wives understand that seems to be a common struggle. I am certain that just literally a moment here and there could be enough to keep me dizzy. I couldn't figure out just how to say that during our conversation, or just how much or what kind of example I could offer. I will look for another chance to try to say it. I remember reading a list on someone's blog of the kind of little things a wife can do that seem big to a man but tiny to a woman. I will look for that, too.

Relaxed

I knew it had been a while since I posted here, but I didn't realize how long. Let's see if I can catch up without going too long.

Things were going along as they had been until about Christmas. We traveled to be near my family. After a couple weeks of denial, we had sex every night we were there. It was wonderful and I started to think that I might like to have sex more often. I talked to MissusB about it, and I started getting to actually make love to her and have orgasms about twice a week. Not long after that, I think her sex drive diminished, and I started to feel neglected. There just wasn't anything. After a couple weeks of that, I said I felt like FLR might have just worn off and maybe we should go back to equal partners. She said she didn't want that, but we didn't get to talk about it just then. She just took the opportunity to say she didn't want to have me changing my mind back and forth. We also didn't talk about it anytime soon after that. I maintained my voluntary chastity during that time while I waited for the right time to talk about it again.

I wish I had a better memory. Sometime after that, I started to feel it again. She still wasn't doing much leading outside the bedroom. The one time we did have sex during that period, she was ordering me around but not in a "scene" way. I'm not sure, but it came up again at some point and I apologized and said I was over my doubts.

Soon after that, her sex drive seemed to dip even further. Now, even though we are snuggling a bit more than before, which I love, and kind of sexual contact is basically missing. I still do all my chores, give her foot rubs, follow her directions and stay chaste. It is just that most of my teasing is done on my own with my caption blog or reading other people's writing.

Pretty recently, I would have considered this not to be an ok situation. I would have tried to get more. I think I have come to the point now, though, where it is ok. I will take care of MissusB and try to do all the things I can to make her feel good. Eventually,  I hope, she'll turn to me again in that way and that'll be great. Until then, I can be happy keeping her happy even with minimal sexuality between us.

Morning Surprise.

MissusB and I had an argument in the middle of the night last night because we were both exhausted and the baby wouldn't sleep.  I apologized this morning when we woke up. I also admitted that I have been so horny that I barely resisted forcing myself on her in the night. Then I *ahem* casually revealed that I'd gotten stiff watching her get dressed. She came over and sat on the edge of the bed and stroked my cock a little, not really in the way she would when she's giving me a handjob, just sort of rubbed it and played with it a little like she does once in a while. I assumed it would be a wonderful tease to start the day.  Then she licked her hand and started really working it. I was close to orgasm very quickly and said so. She stopped and adjusted us closer to the middle of the bed and I said asked astonished, "Are you going to let me come?" She said, "I don't know. Do you think so?" I said I didn't know because she has definitely left me there before and I had no idea that she might give me a treat like that after a rough night, but she just jumped right back into the rhythm and I made a sort of purring sound that I don't think I've even made before and came all over my belly.

Then she gave me a kiss and headed off to work. I'm still floating. I'm a very lucky man.

Level Up.

I am feeling very lustful these days. I am getting erections at the drop of a hat. I wake up over and over throughout the night because my stiff dick is so sensitive to any contact of the sheets rubbing against it as I roll over or shift. This is exactly what I wanted and it is also a great struggle. In my fantasies, I am always forced to go for a long time between orgasms, but in real life we had more or less settled into one a week. Now we're edging(heh) past three weeks and it really makes a difference. That and,  as I've mentioned recently, MissusB has really stepped into her role and is making every day more wife led.

It does help me stay more attentive to MissusB. She has made it clear, though, that she doesn't want me to be very clingy, and that is getting more and more difficult. I have been successful so far, I think, but I feel like I'm constantly biting my tongue. Or I feel like I am spending a ton of energy in keeping my hands off her. She has really firmed up her habit of quickly chastising me if I stroke her without permission or when she wants me to stop for whatever reason. This change in the quantity of our physical contact is a harder adjustment for me than the orgasm control.

 I have had several moments lately where it feels like she has forgotten about or else intentionally disregarded my interest in some minor thing. She was afraid when we started that she may take me for granted, but I have all along more or less felt like she should just expect me to be there for her since I have made that commitment. For example, yesterday we had a few hours on a weekend afternoon while the baby napped. Of course, after our very intimate night on Friday I was feeling very close to her and wanted to do something together. She settled into a video game pretty quickly. At first, out of habit, I did this or that to try to gently dislodge her or kind of speed her along. After a bit, I realized what I was doing and that what I really want is for MissusB to do exactly what she wants. At that moment, I was able to settle down and sit with her and watch.  It felt good. I didn't mention anything to her, but I just felt good to be able to put my own stuff aside and sit and do what she wanted to do. I feel like I'm growing into my new role, too.

Then this morning, I woke up before MissusB and the baby did. I started writing this, but then thought it would be nice to clean up the house while I had some time alone. I did a quick pass at everything and was done and back to writing before they got up. Then, more or less out of the blue, without a mention of the housecleaning or anything else, MissusB took an opportunity to grab my package through my pajamas and squeeze and stroke me for a few seconds. Those few seconds and my wife and her general awesomeness will be on my mind for days.

Everything is really coming together. I'm even enjoying the hard parts. I'm a very lucky man.

New Heights and New Lows

I'm marking some new peaks and valleys in things with MissusB. If my memory and my skimming of this blog is correct, this is now the longest I've been made to go with out an orgasm. Really, that seems like just one small example of how we are getting more and more adjusted to FLR being a real part of our lives. I'd say that MissusB issues me an unwavering command at least a couple times every day now. Likewise, I'm moving more into a daily routine of service instead of serving primarily out of sexual longing.

Also, last night was date night. After the baby was asleep, MissusB told me to go put my clothes away and to turn up the heat and then added "You may as well get the vibrator out now." When I came back, her clothes were piled on the couch and she was wearing a bathrobe. She had me put the clothes away and bring a bowl of soapy water and a washcloth. She sat on the edge of the couch and had me wash her pussy. "All the nooks and crannies." While she watched the "Bend Over Boyfriend" video on the tv behind me. When she was all clean, I started to stroke her thighs, but she stopped me right away and said, "You're not here to stroke me." Then she turned over onto her knees and told me to wash her ass.

It is hard to describe how exciting that was for me. Of course I immediately hoped that she was going to let me lick her, but the washing was also very thrilling on its own. I've never done that before. I was very careful to be as gentle and thorough as I could and I let her know when she was all clean. After a pause where I was left with nothing to do but gaze longingly at her ass and wonder what she had in mind next, she said that I could touch her. My hands leapt to it and I was thrilled again. I didn't pet her long before she said I could kiss her. Now, she's let me do this before once or twice, but not for a long time and I've been longing for it almost daily since we started FLR.  I can honestly say, that I'd have given up all orgasms for life if she'd made that the condition of being allowed to keep my tongue up against her backside. After a while, she pulled away and turned over saying that I'd got her excited.

She asked me to finger her pussy while she vibrated herself. I ended up getting to lube her up with my mouth, which was of course another great thrill. Not long after we started this part, she stopped with the vibrator to give me some instruction on just what she wanted me to do. She corrected the position of my fingers with breathless, but unrestrained feedback. Then once she had me where she wanted me, she got the vibe back out.  This all felt fantastic for me and she looked very sexy while she worked herself up. I did have to take my hand out eventually because it was cramping, but I got to stay down between her legs to watch her have a great orgasm.  I massaged her tense legs for a bit after that.

Then she had me stand in front of her while she proceeded to almost touch me at various places below my waist. For reasons that I'll never fully understand, but which may be whiskey related, I didn't get quite hard. I had been hard for most of the earlier part of the evening, but flagged a bit when my hand was sore and didn't quite recover. After barely touching me a couple times, she said, "Ok, that's it." Then she had me sit down with her while we watched a tv show.  I went to bed more satisfied and more frustrated than I can say.

I'm a very lucky man.

Mostly sex.

More little things. Most of which I can't remember, to be honest. They are just a word here and a glance there that give me a little lift but don't seem like events. They seem like a normal part of the day.

Here's an example. The other day she asked me to make a little change in something around the house. I gladly agreed both because I love doing things for her and honestly it was trivial. She followed up with "I know it probably won't help anything, but do it anyway to make me happy. That's your job." That was that.

Then there are not so little things. Last night we went to bed and it took a little while to get the baby to sleep. I am not sure how exactly it was communicated, but I got the clear sense that we'd be doing a big of snuggling before bed and I was excited. Anyone in an FLR will understand that I really didn't have any expectations beyond getting to hold MissusB and maybe stroke her skin and kiss her a little. I'm sure anyone not in one will think I'm full of it, but it was true.

So I slid over to put my arms around her once the baby was down and before I got there she told me to turn around so she could spoon me to keep warm while she fell asleep. We have been falling asleep that way most nights lately and normally I'm thrilled, but last night I had hoped to touch her a bit more. I made some comment, innocuous I think, and she reiterated her instructions. I cheerfully complied and said, "I'll take whatever you've got." to which MissusB said, "That's right, you will."

We talked a little bit about how long it has been since I've had a release. She asked me how long since we've had sex and then she asked me how long since I've had an orgasm. Both answers are the same: about two and a half weeks. She then reached down toward my lap and put her hand sort of around my cock, but not touching. She held it there and then just barely brushed against me first at one spot then another.

It didn't take much of that before I was gasping and moaning with every little touch. She kept that up for a while before she licked one of her fingers and started to do some kind of light flicking that had me very near orgasm in no time. I told her and she slowed down a little.  She kept changing her technique slightly and then getting me almost there and changing again. At one point she went so far as to close her hand around my cock for just a second and I was so grateful. I thanked her again and again.

Also, while this was going on, she started grinding her hips against me from behind and from that point each of us was occasionally moved to short bursts of grinding like she was fucking me from behind. After I didn't know how long, she said, "You know you're not going to get to come tonight, don't you?" I hadn't known but it was thrilling to be told.  Not long after that, she let me stroke and lightly finger her very wet pussy before she got out her vibrator.

At first I lay beside her and kissed and stroked her like I often do while she buzzes herself. Then she had me kneel near her head. Before long, she was kissing the head of my dripping cock. Then she took the head into her mouth and just barely sucked on it. It was extremely exciting and she finished pretty soon after. Afterward, she said that she had been teasing me for 45 minutes. I wouldn't have been able to begin to guess. She also made some comment as we were falling asleep about how funny she finds it to think of me going to sleep after being so excited. I forget what I said, but it was something about her laughing at these things a lot. She replied, "I have to have a sense of humor about these things, otherwise I'd be a complete bitch." I did not find the courage to say that I'd be ok if she wanted to be a complete bitch when it suited her because I'm very happy with the way things are.

I'm a very lucky man.

Just Little Things.

MissusB has started doing little FLR things more often. Nothing major, just telling me to go get her something or putting her feet in my lap expectantly. Last weekend she decided that I'm not allowed to look at any porn for a week. Yesterday she asked me to try to stay off the internet all day. I almost but did not quite manage to do that, for more or less practical reasons, I got on for a few minutes yesterday afternoon. I told her that when she came home from work, and she said, "You didn't do what I asked. I'll have to think of what your punishment will be." On Monday when we went to bed I snuggled up to her and was allowed to caress her for a few minutes, probably about five minutes, but it was an amazing treat for me. I enjoyed every second and I also became very turned on. She stopped me abruptly and had me roll with my back to her, so she could fall asleep spooning me, which has become our normal bedtime posture. It was hard to stop on her command, but I did and she praised me and said I may get to pet her in bed more often if I can prove to her that I can stop when she says so. I have been struggling to not beg or plead a little and make her tell me several times to stop, but I'm feeling more hopeful that I'll be able to do better now.

Those weren't all the things, but they are a good sampling. She is definitely getting a real understanding of how much impact she can have by doing even the tiniest things. It is feeling great for me and MissusB seems to be really enjoying herself too. I'm a very lucky man.