Weekend

We had a nice weekend after a bit of a rough start.

During dinner Friday, MissusB said that she wanted me to rub her all over with oil. Needless to say, I was enthusiastic about this idea. So, I went and got a sheet to keep the couch clean and found some oil. I put the sheet on the couch and she climbed in and wrapped herself up. Apparently she was feeling bashful. Ok, so I just sat at her feet as we watched some TV. I rubbed them and after a while massaged her feet and calves with oil occasionally caressing the outside of her thighs. We ended up going to bed after that with no all over oiling.  MissusB said she was grouchy with me, but couldn't say why.

Saturday morning, she said she'd figured out why she was feeling grouchy toward me. She didn't get her oil rub. My reaction was totally inappropriate. I got angry, totally withdrew, and didn't say anything at all in response. I continued the 'cold' treatment for a couple hours, in fact. Finally, MissusB straightened me out as we were riding on a train to go do something that was going to be completely ruined by my attitude. We were sitting across from each other grouchy and silent in a crowded car. She looked at me, lowered her eyebrows into a scowl, and stamped her foot. It was both an adorably sweet joke and a serious statement all at once. It reminded me why and how much I love her and made me feel foolish for having behaved like a child.

Later, when we got home, we talked about what had happened Friday. I told her that I need more guidance and had a hard time with her mixed signals. She said that she had some sexy plans for after the rubdown. Apparently this would have been the first thing she was going to do entirely for herself. I don't know if that contributed to the bashfulness. I apologized, but now that I've gone through this here, I feel like she deserves a better one that I gave. I need to work on being less defensive and 'sticking up for myself' less. I don't need to protect myself from her.

Yesterday was just a nice day together.

Accident

Well, last night was amazing and also disappointing.

After the baby went to bed MissusB told me to take of my clothes and join her on the couch. She said, "This won't take long," and proceeded to use her hands to edge me for what felt like quite a long time. During the course of it she also revealed some plans and ideas she's had.

She said that for the past year or so she's been enjoying some fantasies as a sort of guilty pleasure. First she mentioned 'penis torture'. Fortunately, she went on to explain that she was referring to a sort of extreme, prolonged edging, not something with pins. Then she mentioned ruined orgasms. I am pretty sure I'll be finding out more about those soon, but not too soon as I'll get back to in a moment. She explained how exciting the feeling of power is when a man it extremely turned on and can't do anything about it. All the while, she was keeping me just one stroke shy of relief.

Then she switched topics and said that she was thinking of making me wait to have an orgasm until we are ready to start trying to get pregnant again. She's already got me in a bit of a corner because of that. We are planning to start trying as soon as possible, but she is supposed to be off the birth control pill for a month so the baby would be safe from any its effects. During that month, couples are advised to use condoms or another form of birth control.  The other form of birth control MissusB has chosen is to not let me fuck her. She has still been letting me have orgasms, though. Last night she said she is thinking about not letting me have any more for basically three weeks.

Of course, I found it incredibly sexy to hear to saying these things. Part of me didn't want to say something, but I was so wound up and I want to be honest, so I told her that I want it. She didn't say right then that she was going to do it. She just teased me some more and then we went off to bed. In bed, she proceeded to use her vibrator on herself. She had me touch her first one way, then another, then another while she was buzzing herself. After a while, she told me to kneel beside her and stroke myself so she could watch. I managed to hold myself back for quite a while.  Then, as she was starting to come, I felt I was too close and stopped touching myself. While I tried to breath through, she was moaning in the way she does and I couldn't stop my orgasm, even though my penis wasn't touching anything.

She was a little disappointed and said I need to do something special for her today to make up for it. I felt guilty and sort of pathetic for not being able to do what she wanted. I promised her I'd try harder. That was when she told me I'd have plenty of time to work on it since I wouldn't be coming again until next month.

I'm a very lucky man.

Is this just sex?

After my last post, subservient-husband asked if getting turned on is where I get my motivation, noting that he gets his from seeing his wife happy.
I'm really glad he asked. So, thanks, s-h. I did have to stop and think about it in order to feel like I could give and honest and complete answer.


I do definitely use sexual tension to help motivate myself. Also, going a week or more between release definitely brings sex into focus and increases the sexual energy I have available to motivate me. The sex also gets a lot of space on this blog because most of other stuff is so much like it has always been since MissusB and I have been together and because it is fun to write about. It is only part of the picture, though.


I think MissusB and I both use sex to help build and express intimacy, so when all sexual contact is missing, we don't feel as close. It is a chicken and egg question, I think. I don't know if not feeling close turned my sex drive off and let my focus wander or if a lack of sex drive (caused by who know what) left me feeling more distant.


It is something I'll be watching.


I have always been motivated to find ways to make MissusB smile or to surprise her with some kind of treat. That's not sexually motivated, unless you talk to a Freudian or an evolutionary psychologist. That sort of thing doesn't turn me on; I can say that for sure. Since she's on my mind throughout the day, and since I listen to what she says, I find myself thinking of things that will make her happy. Then, if I can, I try to do them. I think she does the same thing.


I have a much harder time staying motivated to do the mopping and the filing and the dishes. I don't expect her to smile or thank me for having a clean house, though she does sometimes. For those sorts of things, I am intentionally using romantic and erotic feelings for MissusB to help me stay motivated.


I'm not sure if I mentioned this here before, but after our first attempt at FLR ended, the house got a lot dirtier. MissusB said she felt like I was punishing her for not going on with FLR. I explained to her that on one day I felt thrilled and connected to her when I cleaned the bathroom, and then the next day, out of FLR, it was just a dirty toilet again.


So, as much as I love pleasing my wife, which is a lot, I definitely think the sexual teasing and denial is a big part of what makes this work for me.

Lull.

I sort of lost the FLR focus over the last week or so. MissusB did, too. I can't say I'm sure what happened or if anything happened really, but I stopped feeling the feeling.  MissusB thinks it is because two weekends ago she let me have orgasms two days in a row. I tend to doubt it is that, but I can't say for sure. Basically, it seemed like my sex drive just evaporated. I had tried to conjure some fantasies to start myself up, but it was getting nowhere. We got along fine. The chores stayed done. Wednesday MissusB had a medical procedure scheduled that should make her feel quite a bit better day to day. Andticipation of that could have been some part of whatever I was feeling. Afterward, she was pretty knocked down and still isn't close to her normal self.

It was a good chance to get back in the habit of taking care of her. Also we talked a bit about things. For one reason or another, for the last few nights, I've been giving her bedtime back, neck, and butt rubs. The first one of these was the first time I'd been turned on at all in about a week. I could feel myself start to shift back to where I like to be and where I do best.  Today I get to put it all to good use. I clean a lot less when my wife is home, mostly because we do things together instead. So since she has been home for the last 5 days, there's lots of cleaning to do.

I'm off to go clean.

The New Normal

I am attracted to stability and domestic life. I am excited and thrilled to be making changes to our relationship and to have MissusB surprising me. Still, I am looking for some feeling that I know what normal daily life is going to be like. Maybe normal life will be constant change and MissusB won't like any kind of routine. I'd welcome that, too. Having no expectation and having to take everything as it pops up is something I can get used to.

So far, we just haven't been at it long enough for me to feel like I know my way around.  That said, last night seems like as good a candidate for a "normal" night as any.

After dinner, we played with the baby and watched some TV. After the baby went to bed, we watched a little more TV while I scrubbed and massaged MissusB's feet. They are starting to feel very soft with all the lotion and rubbing. Then she had us go to bed so I could give her a back rub. I rubbed her back for some time, longer, anyway, than I averaged before FLR. Then she had me also massage her butt. I was excited already from the back rub, and getting to do extended touching of her beautiful, round, white, oiled up butt was amazing. I was panting. I had to take great effort not to bite or kiss her.

Eventually, she stopped me and rolled over to take her Magic Wand to herself.   I was told to sit cross-legged beside her and jerk myself while she did that. At one point she asked if I was close to coming. I told her I wasn't, and she said I'd better try harder then. Not too long after, I said that I could come soon. She said, "no you can't" and soon after she brought herself off.

She gave my dick a few brief squeezes and strokes and then said it was time for sleep. I was light headed, steel hard, and throbbing for relief, but I just sighed a bit and settled down. I had thought I might be allowed to come, since I've been coming on Wednesdays and Sundays so far, but wasn't too surprised. She has been saying for a few days that I've been having too many orgasms. I think I will have to be much more submissive if I want to get off very often. Needless to say, I'm very motivated today and expect to get a lot accomplished.

I'm a lucky man.

Sunday Night Revelations

All things wife led are going along pretty steady and easy. I'm cleaning things. She's making the kinds of little decisions we might have made together. For example, she's picked our Halloween costumes and just left me the job of finding the parts to make them. I guess this is more or less what I'd assumed things would be like outside the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, however, things are going a bit differently than I'd expected.

For one thing, we've been fooling around much more than we used to. For another, MissusB's new favorite thing to do seems to be edging me and taunting me the whole time. I imagined that I'd be rubbing her, licking her, and otherwise doing everything she or I could think of to please her, but so far most of our sexy times has been her doing one thing after another that drives me wild. She tells me to imagine my come spraying all over her tits or her pussy, but then assures me that I won't be doing that. She tells me how much she wants to see me come, but that even so, I'm not allowed.  Please don't think I'm complaining! I'm not! It has been amazing. The other thing I hadn't expected is that she's already revealed a few new elements to our sex life. I figured most everything would be out in the open by now, but she's still surprising me.

Friday while she was teasing me, she started to slap my balls when I got to excited. She's never hinted that she might do that. It helped me calm down at the moment. It also added even more excitement to the situation.  She very clearly was in charge.

Then last night, while she was edging me again, she said, "I can't wait until I get to do this with other people watching." I had no idea she wanted that and even less idea that she might be planning it. She says she has plans, though. I still have no idea what those plans might be or what other people she has in mind!

I wonder where else this will lead that I didn't imagine, but I am very glad that she is doing things her way.

Two Bottles of Wine

MissusB and I shared a couple bottles of wine Friday night after the baby went to sleep.

Now, MissusB gives the best blowjobs I've ever had. She's also the best vaginal sex I've ever had. But when it comes to handjobs, the difference between her and the second best is just ridiculous. She is devastating with her hands.

She edged me for I don't know how long. She sucked me. She jerked me. We fucked. She kept me totally insensible. I practically screamed every time I had to tell her to stop. I begged her. I whimpered. She just taunted me on further. She had me stroke myself so she could watch while she got herself off with her Magic Wand.

After all of that, we went off to bed with me still hard and yearning. It was so fantastic, I could barely believe it. She was asleep in no time. I barely slept all night, but my sleepless thoughts worth staying awake for.